I get a phone call. I make a few phone calls to cancel the meetings I have scheduled, I pack some clothes and get in the car. I am headed to the hospital. Despite having made the trip home more than 50 times, I get lost 3 times. After the third time I finally caught myself. I was in panic mode, I was scared. The past is replaying at such a pace that I cannot see what is happening right now. The past is coming in two forms. It is coming back in my actions (the mistakes I made) and the unresolved feelings from the last time something similar happened (the mistakes I have not accepted responsibility for).
I have felt this feeling before, I have felt this many times but not as intense. It is a feeling of being in space. Being in the middle of nowhere. I can’t touch anything no matter how far I reach. I have no direction, I have no plan, I can’t see, I don’t know what to do, I am by myself, nothing will be the same again.
Finally I take a deep breathe. Because I have felt this feeling before I know what to do. My feeling of space is because I lost too much and I can’t get it back. The reason it is so intense is because it is not about money this time.
So I look at what I have to lose. Although I do not like the answer I can now figure out what to do next. I snap out of it and I no longer feel like I am in space. I can work towards a direction, I formulate a plan, I can see where I am going, I know where to go for help, I might be changed but it will eventually be a good change.
I told you about that experience as it is happening because I think others have felt that way and by sharing it, it might make it easier for those to recognize it more quickly. Please do not ask me any questions related to that experience. Many of the things that I write about I have already dealt with this is not one of them.
Back to trading. My feeling of being in space in trading is because of loss but it is a special type of loss. It is the loss that I can’t get back or am not mentally prepared to take back. This happens when I lose without purpose. Risking too much or not following my plan. The feeling of being in space, in this context, is irrational but there is no such thing as an irrational mind while trading.
There are traders that have only traded in space. They give the market a blank check. I have heard of people losing a few 100k, they have never taken a loss knowing they will make it back or never had a real chance to make money in the first place. If you are in space, take a step back. Stop opening yourself up to unlimited risk. You should be able to find some clarity in what to do next.
Some fear the losing but the real pain is knowing you can’t get it back.
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