Among my family and close circle of friends there is no greater honor than to be made fun of. With that being said, my predictions for 2014:
self-evident.org– After pressure from readers, they are forced to realize that an organization needs more than two people. They change their name to ironicallyself-evident.org. Munilass only covers bond issues concerning Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Bucktown in Chicago as well as other budding hipster communities.
ReformedBroker.com – After fulfilling his goal of producing a linkfest for every single, I mean every single, financial website in the world Mr. Brown realizes he has linked to everyone who has ever written a word on finance and creates his own search engine. He calls it ReformedSearch.com, writes a book, goes on TV, and starts blogging about search engines.
Abnormalreturns.com – After years of getting abnormal returns, Tadas realizes he just wants to fit in. Launches a new site called slightlyaboveaveragereturns.com. Moves to a small town in Ohio.
Joefahmy.com– Joe quits trading stocks after catching a big break. After years of applying he finally gets on Last Comic Standing. Unfortunately it is the Canadian version and no one ever sees it. Devastated he trades maple syrup from a road side in Northern Saskatchewan.
HowardLindzon.com– After much soul searching Howard quits Stocktwits and launches Socktwits.com. It becomes the #1 sock sharing website in the world. He relocates to Germany where it is ok to wear socks with sandals.
iBankcoin.com – After making bank, all members come to live with TheFLY. Renames their service to 90210 after the area code of their new compound. They spend their days drinking wine, playing chess, eating spicy food, and shedding wood. Jake, Scott and Cain reveal they are distant cousins.
Investingwithoptions.com – After competing in Worlds Strongest Men (Investors Division), Steven commits to it full time and never leaves the gym again. Changes his website to Investingatthegym.com. His videos are taped as he works out. He is kicked off of YouTube after a particularly disturbing video entitled, Yoga and Using Strangles.
eminiplayer.com – Awais, realizing he does not want to be a “playa no mo” launches eminihusband.com and a few years later eminifather.com but his crowning achievement is eminigrandfather.com. His twitter account is turned off after retweeting himself so many times, no one hears from him again.
Kiddynamiteblog.com – The Kid is arrested after assaulting a cashier at a 7-11. The Kid finally snaps after being asked to show id, despite being 56, to purchase a lottery ticket. The Kid escapes jail time because he offers to do community service, educating children on the dangers of explosives. He never writes about ETF’s again. Later it is revealed that he is able to stay so young looking because of the vitamins he gets from HLF.
Pointsnfigures.com – Jeff sets the world record for blog posts in a day, for his age group. He gets titled the Great great great grandfather of social media. He retires from blogging. Time on the internet is forever ever known as BC (Before Carter) or AC (After Carter).
BusinessInsider.com – After Blodgett retires Joe takes over. The office is forced to listen to country music and eat spicy food. Three interns are fired after bring peanuts into the office. Blodgett start a new social network, it is free to join but everyone must sign a pact to never click “veiw as one page” and must watch one slide show per day.
GTOTOY.com – Ron buys a goat farm. Breeds goats with mullets. They are huge in the southern US and Canada. With this windfall he buys many cars, he is known as the Jay Leno of the East but swaps denim for patent leather.
ChicagoSean.com – Sean takes another step to becoming a minimalist He sells all of his possessions and starts a new blog called VWBusSean.com and travels the country. The site is a hit and he makes millions. He was last seen in his mansion arguing with the staff over SEC football.
Armotrader.com – Jerry becomes the youngest FED governor in US history. Only uses FRED and tanks the economy.
Pearlman.com – Dr. Phil stops investing and starts a tequila company that promises to regrow hair. He becomes a staple of late night TV. He eventually buys the Orioles and moves them to Mexico.
DerikHendquist.com – Derik becomes a top manager. Annoyed that people misspell his first name and cant even come close to pronouncing his last name he sets off on a major internet campaign. Every video on the internet starts with a pre-roll of Sally Struthers explaining Deriks plight with a link to the website deriksarepeopletoo.com
Blund.com– Quits trading and starts touring in an 80’s cover band. After clubs refuse to comply with their rider, craft beer and low fat yogurt, the quit. Brian was last seen on the VH1 special Where are They Now.
I am sure I missed a bunch of people that I missed but there is always next year, DYDD.org, hedge.ly, Psychtrader.com, Leigh Drogen, Micheal Bigger, Adam Warner etc.
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