Loss is a word that gets thrown around in trading. It means different things to different people in different situations. It is always around. It is a good thing, it forces discipline, enforces positive habits. It is the loss that makes the winning meaningful. Loss is a part of trading and a part of life, but it is different.
That statement was never more relevant to me than around 10 am on Thursday, September 30, 2010. My phone rang; I already knew what the phone call was about. My mother passed away. I will spare the details except to say that I am relieved she is no longer in pain.
This day was going to happen, when, no one knew. I originally thought that trading prepared me for a loss like this. It has not. It does not compare.
The reason I am sharing this very personal moment with you is consistent with why I share anything on this blog. To help me, to come to some sort of understanding that cannot be accomplished by it roaming around in my head. I know there are many people who have or will have to go through what my family is going through. If anyone has any suggestions for us or anyone I encourage you to share.
In some ways it is getting easier but there will be always be tough times. Holidays, her birthday, Mothers Day, my future children’s Grandparents Day. I will miss her cherry cheesecake, immaculate penmanship, her ridiculous obsession with full moons, and many other things.
I am thankful for what she has taught me and hopefully I am becoming the man she thought I could be. Every person needs someone to believe in them along their journey. Her belief in me allowed me to take the chances that lead to failure, not everyone gets a chance to fail. I am extremely thankful for that opportunity.
Please do not feel sadness for me or my family. We all have our time limits and that is what makes life special. Things are hard right now but they will get better.
I am going off the grid for a while; all the posts from this week were pre-posted. If you have interacted with me recently and I seemed the same, that was because my initial reaction was denial. The time between her death and the funeral has facilitated that denial. Being, as in the moment as possible, will make it easier to deal with this moment. I can only accomplish by giving my full attention to my family. In the past, I have waited to deal until after the problem is over. It is easier at the time, but long term much more painful. If you do not feel comfortable leaving a comment, please send me an email. firstname.lastname@example.org